A long time ago, I was very sick with a deadly combination of runaway diabetes and major depression. I wasn’t sure I was going to survive and honestly, I didn’t care if I did.
But one day when I was looking at my first son, who was just a baby, I experienced something that I can only describe as a vision. He transformed before my eyes into the grown version of himself. He was tall and handsome with a confident smile. I was so proud of him! He came to me and put his arms around me and my shoulders soaked in his strength.
Over the years, I have called up that vision when I felt especially low and it made me feel better.
But whenever I saw him as a grown man, I reminded myself, “He’s not grown yet. I’ve got to help him get there.” Then I would think about how I needed to get better so I could help him grow up.
Well, he is grown now… tall, handsome, making his way in the world–and I’m very proud of him. But I also worry about him because that’s what dads do.
I’ve never told him about this vision. I didn’t want to make him feel responsible for my well-being. It was my job to take care of him. But now that he’s grown I’m making this public so he’ll know that he has always been a source of strength to me.