I Was Tired

“I don’t think any of us knew how tired you were,” my friend said after I moved away. I didn’t realize at first how right he was.

When I arrived in Orlando, I thought I’d find a job right away, but in fact I stayed inside with the lights off and couldn’t move for days which turned into weeks. And I cried every day.

The secrets wore me down. I didn’t dare discuss my thoughts and doubts with anyone. I hid how unhappy I was. I called on every ounce of strength to present myself the cheerful, energetic preacher. I didn’t always succeed.

I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say I’ve been tired most of my life.  I was always able to mentally move aside the fatigue and move on but it took its toll on my health as I got older.

Now, Sylvia takes care of me. She fed me good food and took me to hear good music. We went to the beach and I walked on the shore where the cool water washed my feet and the waves established a new rhythm inside me.

I’m better. My health issues are fading. I’m able to rest.  For the first time in years I sleep through the night.

I reflect a lot on what led me to this moment even as I begin living again. I still cry every day but it doesn’t last as long.

15 thoughts on “I Was Tired

  1. I'm glad you are happy..I don't think any of us know how tired “we” are…BUT at least you were able to change that..also glad to hear your health is improving

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  2. How beautiful to allow yourself to FEEL –all of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I appreciate you for sharing it with the world. There is such power with personal testimony. Un abrazo my dear, Lizette

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  3. I get the fatigue. It took me a full nine months to recover, nine months of walking, time outside, sleeping, reading, just being, rebuilding a life. No one really knows until we leave.

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