The Pastor stood up and said, “I’m tired of the backbiting, the gossip, and the assassination of character that goes on in this church. I’m tired of being alone, of always watching my back, and of being the target of endless criticism. I’m tired of being hated. Goodbye.”
Then he stepped down from the pulpit, walked off the stage, walked up the aisle, out the door, and never returned.
This is Pastor Appreciation Month, where congregations are urged to encourage their pastors by coming to church more often, volunteering, sending cards, and doing nice things for them. I appreciated the gestures offered to me when I was in the business–some of them were quite lovely. However, the occasion of Pastor Appreciation usually ignited criticism from people who were dissatisfied with the pastor, and that can be discouraging.
This minister’s tirade mentioned above is not an unusual scene. There were several times over my career when I wanted to get up and say the same thing, but I didn’t. When it was time to leave, I did so as gracefully as possible, even in the face of great conflict.
The biggest stress pastors have in their churches is the handful of mean people who plot to get rid of them. It’s a chess game that begins before the pastor moves to town, and the frustrating part is that most pastors never win—they just play to see how long they can stay.
Do you know what gift I treasured more than anything else when I was a minister? The people I could call friends. I think I can count my friends over my entire career on one hand with fingers left over. Lots of people were friendly, and we said we loved each other, but the real friends who liked me, supported me, encouraged me, and loved me without judgment were very rare, and sometimes I wore them out because I needed them so much.
Your pastor is lonely, tired, and under attack from others in your congregation. Consider that when you think about how to encourage him or her.
Deep Calls 
There really is no reason for a pastor to be lonely and tired. They need to learn how to delegate duties. Pastor is not head of a church but one of several offices.
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The churches of Christ often said this. It’s at best naive and at worst a massive form of denial.
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I think what you reference can be the case in any position of leadership or responsibility.
It buts up against human nature.
Have at the very least an inner circle and be thoughtful and transparent is the best you can do.
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Thank you. I am now away from that work and was not asking for advice. An inner circle is always a good idea. But it’s difficult to form anything lasting in that context.
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After your tenure with us, I learned so much more about being a kind, compassionate, and loving parishioner. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend. I think we were moving in that direction with some plans that have never been fulfilled. At this point in our lives, it would be lovely to have a VERY long conversation to see how we have changed.
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You were supportive and I too, think we were moving in that direction. I look forward to that conversation.
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